Let's talk about family boundaries...

For some light Friday night reading (I joke) and to close out this weeks topic of boundaries, I wanted to explain my own journey with boundary setting over the last year or so.

Setting boundaries with family is a recent thing for me. I spent so long away from family (living overseas), that I forgot what it was like to live with them, near them, and have them comment on my life choices on a daily basis.

Exhausting, is what it's like.

I am not sure if it's because we are British-Indian, or if its just family generally, but sometimes I do feel our cultural nuances take over. I read a great post by South Asian Therapist, that talks about our culture and how we have a focus of 'togetherness' and 'family' and 'closeness' but that this is disguises toxic behaviour from our families, that allow them to cross our personal boundaries. Personal boundaries we have never been taught to have or to respect with other people.

The last year has been a whole undoing of this. I have been a yes person, a people pleaser (another result of my cultural heritage like so many others). I have had to set some boundaries with my parents and grandmother (who are amazing, even if we do have our challenges).

Boundaries like, please can you not comment on my weight, whether I have lost it or gained it. Can you not comment on the food I have on my plate. Can you stop asking me when I will meet someone, get married, or have children. Can you trust my ability to start a new business and make it a success. Can you only give your opinion when you are asked for it. Can you please listen. Can you not speak to me like that.

It has not been without its challenges, but I

think our relationships are improving. More so, my respect for my self is improving. I am not compromising on what I believe or feel is right. I am not people pleasing.

The best news is, I am saying NO more often.

It doesn't happen overnight, it's not easy and we have had our blow ups. It has made for a happier me though and ultimately that is what is important.

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Lots of love,

Kim xx